Blinding Heat
by susanatc
Summary: What was Castle thinking as he raced to Beckett's apartment in "Tick, Tick, Tick?" A one-shot look at the end of that episode.


_Major spoilers for "Tick, Tick, Tick." This picks up at the end of the episode. The parts you recognize are straight from the episode. I just wanted to get inside Castle's head. _

_For anyone wondering (Carolina17), I promise that I haven't forgotten "A New Year"!_

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"He wants us to drop our guard. He wants to make a big scene," Castle said as the pieces finally came together in his mind. "Nikki will burn." The words no sooner left his mouth than he realized their implication. "Beckett."

"Oh God!" Martha said, giving voice to the fear Castle could feel in the pit of his stomach.

He got up and grabbed the phone, dialing Beckett's number as he continued. "Montgomery took the detail off her place. She's alone." He listened to the phone ring several times before disconnecting the call and handing the phone to his mother, already on his way out of the apartment. "She's not picking up. Call the precinct and tell them to get over there right away. Tell them we were wrong. Tell them the killer is still alive." He turned his attention to Alexis as he reached the door. "You lock this door behind me and don't let anyone in."

Castle ran for the stairs as he pulled his cell phone out and pressed the speed dial for Beckett. He listened to her phone ring until the voice mail picked up as he took the stairs two at a time. Hearing her voice on the recording tightened the knot of fear in his gut. He ended the call and paused just long enough to hail a cab before he dialed again.

He rattled her address to the driver as he listened to the incessant ringing in his ear. How could they have missed such an important detail? Ben Conrad was shot in the right side of his head. Lanie had told them their guy was left-handed. The man they had seen in the window of Conrad's apartment had his gun in his left hand, but Conrad had a gun in his right hand when they entered the apartment.

Agent Shaw had been right about not profiling him as suicidal. The real killer had just been toying with them. It had been part of his plan. "Pick up, Beckett," he growled into the phone as it once again went to voice mail.

God, what if she was hurt and not just ignoring his calls? Castle shook his head as he ended the call and dialed again. "Can't you go any faster?" he yelled up at the driver. "This is an emergency!"

He felt the cab pick up speed as he heard Beckett's voice mail pick up once again. He should've followed his instincts earlier that afternoon that said everything was just a little too tidy. He should've insisted on staying on her couch again. He should've insisted that Montgomery keep the detail on her apartment until all of the ballistic information was back in and they knew for sure that they'd gotten the right guy. Instead, he'd convinced her to let him take copies of the file with him to look at on his own. She'd assumed it was ego-driven, a serial killer sparked by one of his characters, but he should've told her that something just didn't feel right. Hell, nothing about this case had felt right. This guy had been stringing them along from the first call.

The cab skidded to a stop at the light just across from Beckett's apartment and Castle tossed money across the seat to the driver. He jumped out of the car with his phone pressed to his ear. "Come on Beckett. Pick up. Pick up the phone. Pick it up."

"What Castle?" came her curt reply.

The relief he felt at the sound of her voice couldn't be curtailed by the annoyance he could hear in her voice. There was no time for pleasantries though. "It wasn't Ben Conrad," he hurriedly explained as he dodged people in his haste to reach her. "He's not the killer. The killer's still alive. The killer's still alive."

Castle heard the silence on the other end of the line interrupted by a chilling, "Goodbye, Nikki. Goodbye, Nikki."

He'd heard that voice on the recording in Ben Conrad's apartment earlier that day. He screamed her name into the phone, "Kate!"

His eyes were instinctively drawn to the window of her apartment and he watched in horror as an explosion tore through the building. The concussion from the blast knocked him to the ground, his stomach lodging in his throat as he looked up at the flames shooting from the building. He slowly got to his feet, his phone forgotten in his hand as he tried to wrap his mind around the fact that he'd been too late.

"Dear God, no," he mumbled as he stared at what had once been Beckett's window.

Beckett was dead. He'd failed. The killer's words to Beckett the night before echoed in his mind. "How does it feel to know you failed?" Castle struggled to catch his breath. He'd brought this madman to her doorstep and it had cost him everything.

The screams of people on the street finally penetrated the fog that had settled over his mind and Castle shook his head to clear it. He could hear sirens in the distance, growing louder as they approached. The street in front of him was filled with chaos. Some people were running in fear, some were ducked behind vehicles screaming, and some were just standing and staring at the blazing fire. Castle moved closer to the building, noticing that several people were trying to help those trapped inside escape. He pocketed his phone and moved over to help.

The heat was intense as he got closer to the source of the flames, but he ignored it, knowing that even as hot as it was burning, it wouldn't be able to thaw that chill that had settled in his bones. Beckett was dead and he might as well have set the bomb himself.

He had no idea how long it was before the fire trucks arrived on the scene and the emergency personnel took over the rescue efforts. He allowed one of the paramedics to lead him to an ambulance, his eyes never leaving the building as he answered questions, assuring the young man that he was fine.

It wasn't until Ryan and Esposito stepped into his line of sight that he finally forced his eyes away from the fight to put out the fire. Their grim expressions were a reflection of the emptiness he felt inside. He opened his mouth to say something, but had no idea where to begin. "I'm sorry," didn't even come close to expressing the regret he felt.

As if sensing what he was thinking, Esposito laid a hand on his shoulder. "This was not your fault, Castle."

Castle shook his head. "I should've known…"

"Stop it!" Esposito said, leaning down into his face. "This was not your fault."

Castle blinked at the unexpected vehemence in his words. "We got the wrong guy," he stated simply.

"That's right, Castle," Ryan said as he stepped closer to him. "_We_ got the wrong guy. Not you."

"We're a team," Castle replied. "We're Beckett's team."

Before they could respond, Captain Montgomery stepped over to them. "Castle, are you okay?"

Castle nodded his head as his eyes returned to the building, the flames slowly retreating under the water pressure. "I had her on the phone," he said. "I heard the recording say 'Goodbye, Nikki'. It was the same voice from Conrad's apartment this morning."

Captain Montgomery looked over at the three of them. "I'm sending a unit to your apartment, Castle. They'll keep an eye on Martha and Alexis for now."

"Thank you, Sir," Castle responded.

"I've already contacted Special Agent Shaw," he continued. "Her team is on their way back. I'm going to turn this investigation over to her."

"Sir?" Esposito started to protest.

"Don't worry," Montgomery interrupted. "I have no illusions that you guys are going to sit this one out. I just want her to run point."

"Thank you, Sir," Esposito replied.

"We'll catch this psycho," Montgomery assured them.

Staring up at the building, Castle vowed to himself that if it was the last thing he did, he would hunt down the bastard who had done this and put a bullet in him. For Kate. For all she'd been to him. For all that she would never have the chance to be to him.

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_As always, reviews are much appreciated_.


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